Life can be busy and as we get swept up in it, it can be easy to take things for granted, including our closest relationships.
It’s all to easy to fall into a comfortable routine with your partner—going through the motions of daily life, handling responsibilities, and sharing the same space.
As men we can sometimes mistake this for intimacy, and persuade ourselves that that means the relationship is okay – it probably isn’t.
Women tend to be a lot more attuned to this, and sharing space doesn’t necessarily mean you’re sharing a connection.
Many midlife men mistake proximity for intimacy, believing that just being physically present is enough to maintain a strong relationship. However, true intimacy requires much more than simply being near each other.
Proximity just means being physically close to someone—living together, sharing a bed, eating meals together. But intimacy goes deeper.
It’s about emotional closeness, communication, vulnerability, and truly understanding and supporting each other on a deeper level.
We can fall into the trap of mistaking proximity for the illusion of intimacy, here’s the real danger, it will feel comfortable. But over time, if you let this state persist and don’t put i intentional effort, your relationship can start to feel hollow, and the emotional distance can grow.
This can lead to a gradual drift in emotional connection that widens until eventually one partner calls it out, by then that gap can feel too wide to bridge, and may come as a surprise to the partner that didn’t call it out. Don’t let it get this far!
To head this off at the pass, you need to be honest about where your relationship is now, and how much quality time and energy you’re investing into it.
Remember, it’s about quality not quantity. It’s not about how much time you spend together but how you spend it. Make time for meaningful conversations without distractions. Put away your phones, turn off the TV, and focus on each other.
Ask questions about your partner’s feelings, dreams, and challenges, and share your own.
Five minutes of talking about how you feel while you look into each others eyes trumps five hours sat next to each other on the sofa watching television, even though that probably feels safer.
But this is about the long term result – do you want a good relationship or not? Time to get uncomfortable if you want to make things better.
Start being aware of being present – in a world filled with distractions, being fully present is a rare and valuable gift. When you’re with your partner, be there 100%.
Listen actively, without thinking about your to-do list or the next meeting. Showing your partner that they have your full attention fosters intimacy and shows that you value their presence in your life.
Remember that intimacy is built on trust and vulnerability. When did you last share your thoughts, fears, and dreams with your partner? When did you listen to theirs? Do you even know what they are?
Opening up creates a deeper emotional connection and strengthens the bond between you.
Couples that play together stay together, find activities that you both enjoy and can do together. Whether it’s a hobby, a new project, or simply going for a walk, shared experiences bring you closer and create lasting memories. Doing something you both love can reignite the spark and bring back the excitement in your relationship.
Finally, never underestimate the power of a compliment, a heart felt thank you or a loving gesture. Regularly express your appreciation for your partner, both in words and actions.
So, don’t let the comfort of proximity fool you into thinking your relationship is as strong as it could be.
Intimacy requires effort, intention, and a willingness to be vulnerable.
What could you do today to make your partner feel safer, more understood, cherished?
