In today’s world, the concept of masculinity is constantly evolving. We’re bombarded with mixed messages about what it means to be a “real man.”
For many, this can feel like a relentless pressure to conform to outdated ideals—strength without vulnerability, success without balance, and power without purpose.
But let’s be honest: those old definitions just don’t work anymore. Often trying and failing to live up to them can leave us feeling disconnected, isolated, and sometimes even ashamed.
I know this because I’ve been there.
I spent years chasing what I thought was the ideal of manhood: success in business, financial stability, the image of having it all together. I threw myself into my work, trying to be the provider, the strong one, the rock.
But underneath it all, I was exhausted. I felt like I was constantly running on empty, caught up in a cycle that I couldn’t seem to break.
My relationships were strained, my health was suffering, and deep down, I felt like a fraud. I was living up to everyone else’s expectations, but I had no idea who I was anymore. Jung hypothesised that by midlife our ego is exhausted, freeing us to really understand who we are and act accordingly.
I love the idea that the youthful need to prove yourself and present yourself a certain way can be discarded, allowing you to embody the true you.
It took me a long time to realise that true power doesn’t come from what you achieve or how others see you—it comes from within. It’s about embracing your authentic self, your true values, and having the courage to live in alignment with them. This isn’t about dominance or control; it’s about authenticity, integrity, and the quiet confidence that comes from knowing who you are.
Stepping into your power as a man at midlife is about more than just standing firm in your convictions—it’s about rediscovering who you truly are beneath the layers of societal expectations and self-imposed limitations. It’s about being free from that pesky ego, so that you can let go of the need to prove yourself to others and instead, focusing on what really matters to you.
This is where your true strength lies.
One of the most powerful tools I’ve found in this journey is the concept of non-negotiables. These are the principles and values that you refuse to compromise on, no matter what. They’re the behaviours you expect from yourself and the standards you hold others to in your life.
Defining your non-negotiables is an act of self-respect. It’s about drawing a line in the sand and saying, “This is who I am, and this is what I stand for.”
But getting there isn’t always easy. It requires deep self-reflection and the willingness to face uncomfortable truths about yourself.
I had to confront the fact that I had been living according to other people’s rules for so long that I had lost sight of my own. I had to ask myself hard questions: What do I truly value? What am I no longer willing to tolerate in my life? What do I want to stand for as a man, a partner, and a friend?
What do I want my life to look like?
The answers weren’t always clear right away. But with time, I began to peel back the layers and reconnect with my authentic self. I realised that my non-negotiables weren’t about being rigid or inflexible—they were about honouring my true self and protecting my energy, my time, and my values, and about setting the shape of my life on a day to day basis.
So, what are your non-negotiables? What are the principles that you refuse to compromise on, no matter what? What are you doing right now that you just don’t want to do but you’re doing out a sense of obligation?
What if you stripped that away and lived your life in a way you wanted? How would that look? Remember you are in control. Maybe it’s a commitment to honesty and integrity, both in your personal life and your work. Maybe it’s a refusal to tolerate toxic relationships or environments that drain your energy.
Or perhaps it’s about setting boundaries to ensure that you’re prioritising your mental and physical health.
Whatever they are, defining your non-negotiables is a way to step into your power with confidence and clarity. It gives you the strength to make decisions that are aligned with your values, even when those decisions are difficult.
It allows you to lead by example, not by force, and to create a life that’s true to who you are.
Remember, stepping into your power as a man doesn’t mean you have to have it all figured out. I certainly don’t. It will always be a work in progress, and that’s fine too.
It doesn’t mean you’re invulnerable or immune to doubt and fear. It means you’re willing to show up as your authentic self, to embrace your strengths and your weaknesses, and to live in alignment with your values. It means you’re open to change, that you’re committed to the journey, not just the destination.
Above all it’s about being true to yourself and inspiring others to do the same.
