Dealing With Fear

I was privileged to work with some fabulous clients this weekend. One common theme when we were looking at future goals was the role of fear.

Some of those fears were tangible, real, justified – if you’re going to climb a mountain, then you need to prepare and things can go wrong, of course.

But so many fears we talked about were intangible. Nebulous, “what if’s?”

Let’s make a distinction between a genuine thing to be rightly concerned about, like a health scare, attempting something genuinely dangerous, and a fear. For the purposes of this piece a fear is an unlikely and undesired outcome (that scares us) about something in the future that hasn’t happened yet.

I suffer from this myself. I call them the 4am terrors. Those irrational nibbling thoughts that sneak in when your subconscious is strongest and your rational mind is weakest.

Again, sometimes this terror can be serious. Proper problems that need attention. All too often though they’re (in the cold light of day) inconsequential things.

So what do you do when your fears are blocking you from achieving, or even attempting, your goals?

One useful tool is reframing.

We tend to have quite a limited perspective when it comes to ourselves and dwell on the negative outcomes of things that have happened, or could happen.

How often have you replayed an event in your mind thinking, “If only I’d said this. If only I’d done this?”

Yep, we’ve all done it.

We get trapped in our narrow frame of perspective.

What happens though if you look at your issue in a broader perspective (a bigger frame) and look at the positives (or potential positives) if it’s a future worry?

Here’s an example. Your relationship has finished. Of course that is a major event, traumatic, you’re sad. You’re dwelling on all the negative aspects that now brings to your life. You’re lonely. Will you find another partner etc?

What if we now look at that event within the context of your entire life and the opportunities it now brings.

Maybe you weren’t really suited to that person. Actually the relationship wasn’t so great. Now you have time to invest in yourself. You can meet new people. Take on that hobby you wanted to do for years….

You’re not trying to bury your feelings or re-touch the past – but what you are doing is giving yourself a broader frame of reference, which will help make the event easier to deal with and allow you to move forward.

Another tool you can use, is disassociation.

When we’re emotionally connected to our fears (of course!) it can make give us a limited perspective (as seen above with reframing). Those fears are closely associated with us.

Here’s two ways you can disassociate.

What if we were to pretend that the fear belonged to a friend of ours, rather than ourselves? What advice would you give them looking in from the outside…not emotional involved? We’re naturally limited by our perspective, so if we change perspective, how does that change our view of the fear?

Another way is to look at the present fear along a future timeline. I use this one a lot. In 6 months time, will this thing that’s giving me a racing heart at 4 in the morning, have any kind of significant impact in my life? How about in 1 year, 5 years?

When we start looking at fears like this we gain the perspective of distance, and we can see how that disagreement we had at work that we’re replaying and replaying, and worrying about, actually won’t matter AT ALL in 2 weeks, let alone in 2 months.

Naturally we all have things to genuinely be concerned about. Issues to overcome. That’s life. But so often the fears that stop us are those fears are our sub-conscious sabotaging us through over-protection. Those irrational, unlikely, night terror fears that we all succumb to.

Fear is always going to be a player your life.

Learn to play with it and don’t let it stop you moving towards your goals.

You’ve got this. I believe in you.

James x

10 Top Healthy Christmas Gifts For Physical & Mental Wellbeing

Tis the season to be jolly, overindulge and enjoy yourself. But how about giving the gift of wellbeing this Christmas? Or adding one of these to your own letter to Santa?

New workout gear: putting on workouts clothes you feel good in is proven to boost your motivation, so rather than that old pair of leggings again, how about some new gear that you feel great in? High street chains offer great ranges as well as your usually sporting suspects like Nike, Reebok, Adidas etc.

DNA testing: this might sound scary but training in line with your genetic potential (your inherited traits) gives you a 30 % boost in performance. Add in stats about what’s currently going on in your body and get the full picture. Vitagen-X offer a comprehensive range of DNA, blood and hormonal test. Get £50 off with the code XMAS38N

Online training & nutrition: fancy training at home, as you travel, in fact, anytime, anywhere? The 38N Academy offers a range of real time workout videos, nutritional advice, recipes, mindset workshops and even live weekly workouts, all for under £30 a month. Grab 3 months membership for £69 here or email us to gift 3 months to a loved one.

Hypnotherapy: hypnotherapy doesn’t have to be about overcoming a phobia or giving up smoking (though it’s great for both), it can be about healing past trauma, overcoming blocks, lowering stress, increasing confidence and a whole lot more. We’re big fans of the direct to the root of the problem approach hypnosis offers, and the effective results. We’re also big fans of Zoe Clews Associates on Harley Street as our go to.

Body composition monitors: ditch the scales! Yes controversial advice, but we coach our clients to focus on the fit of their clothes, how they feel, and their body composition. Why? muscle is denser than fat, as we get fitter we add muscle and drop fat, so we can often become heavier while looking and feeling better as we “lean down”. Bonus result, your metabolic rate increases. A decent set of Tanita body composition monitors for you to track body fat as opposed to body weight is where it’s at.

One-to-one coaching: sometimes we all need that little bit of extra help. Wherever you feel you need help in your life, why not reach out to a coach. We offer 6 week packages that not only address training and nutrition with bespoke solutions for both, but will help you set and work towards life goals as well as body goals.

A fitness kickstart holiday: having a holiday to look forward to will boost your mood, it will help you focus on your body goals, why not get an even bigger boost with a fitness holiday? We specialise in empowering our clients for sustainable change for life – which is why we’ve won awards and rave reviews. We’ve got options from 3 nights up to 6 nights in Marbella and Ibiza for 2019. Go on treat yourself.

Some quality supplements: there are loads of supplements out there. If you’re training then we’d always recommend topping up your protein with a good quality protein blend. There are lots of good ones out there (also lots of really bad ones – be careful). One of the best we’ve tried is Pure Blend Co – all natural ingredients, low sugar, no nasties. Bulkpowders also do a great range of products at great prices.

A kettlebell: weird choice? Not at all – a kettlebell (or better still 2 or 3) will open up a whole new world of resistance exercises you can do at home. Cheap, will last for years and will get you results when used as part of a programme. The only bit of kit we recommend for our at home transformational programmes like Ibiza Beach Body, as it’s so versatile. You can pick them up at pretty much all sports stores these days.

A hand blender: we start our day with a power smoothie (our clients get to learn our secret recipe and they love it) – protein, low GI carbs, anti-oxidants – it keeps you full to lunch time, doesn’t spike your blood sugar levels and is a great way to start the day. Nutribullet, or similar is perfect.

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