Midlife has a habit of throwing a few curveballs. Relationships change, hormones shift, careers become more challenging, our health demands greater attention and, just when we think we’ve got life figured out, the world seems to become increasingly unpredictable.
In this episode of The Midlife Mentors, James and Claire Davis explore some of the biggest stories currently making headlines and ask what they mean for those of us navigating our 40s, 50s and beyond.
From the changing face of divorce and the impact of menopause in the workplace to men’s mental health, global uncertainty and the surprising connection between cycling and testosterone, there’s plenty to unpack.
Here are some of the issues that caught our attention.
1. The seven-year itch has become the 20-year itch
Remember the seven-year itch? The idea that relationships are most likely to hit a difficult patch after seven years of marriage?
Well, perhaps it’s time to update the phrase.
We’re increasingly seeing attention focused on couples separating after 20 years or more together. And when you think about it, this makes midlife a particularly important period for relationships.
There are several possible reasons behind this shift.
People are living longer, enjoying better health and increasingly recognising that they may have another 30 or 40 years ahead of them. Economic independence and changing social expectations have also given people more choices about how they want to spend the second half of their lives.
But there’s another side to this story.
Many couples spend years prioritising children, careers, mortgages and financial responsibilities. Their relationship gradually moves down the list. By the time the children leave home or the pressures of family life ease, they can find themselves looking across the dinner table at someone they barely recognise.
And perhaps the biggest question is this: are couples separating because their relationship has genuinely run its course, or because they haven’t understood what’s happening to them individually and collectively during midlife?
It’s an important distinction.
2. Are we overlooking the impact of hormones on relationships?
Midlife brings significant biological and psychological changes for both men and women.
For women, perimenopause and menopause can bring changes in mood, sleep, confidence, energy, libido and emotional resilience.
For men, declining testosterone levels and the broader experience of andropause can also affect mood, motivation, energy, confidence and sexual health.
Now imagine two people experiencing these changes simultaneously, potentially without understanding what’s happening to either of them.
It’s hardly surprising that relationships can come under pressure.
One partner might become withdrawn, the other increasingly frustrated. Communication deteriorates, intimacy suffers and both people can begin to believe that they’ve simply fallen out of love.
But what if there’s more going on?
This isn’t about suggesting that every relationship should be saved. Sometimes separation is absolutely the right decision.
However, we believe there’s enormous value in developing greater awareness, understanding and compassion before making life-changing decisions.
Rather than immediately concluding that the relationship is over, perhaps there’s an opportunity to become curious about what’s changed, what’s missing and whether you can rediscover one another.
After all, neither of you is the same person you were 20 years ago.
Your relationship needs to evolve too.
This is one of the central themes of our forthcoming book, Couplepause, which explores how hormonal changes affect relationships and, more importantly, what couples can do to navigate this chapter together.
3. Menopause is still pushing women out of the workplace
New research highlighted in the episode suggests that menopause continues to have a significant impact on women’s working lives.
The figures discussed included:
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47% of perimenopausal women saying their symptoms affected their ability to work.
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73% reporting an impact on their mental health.
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37% worrying about leaving work earlier than planned.
These are significant numbers, particularly when you consider how much experience, knowledge and professional capability organisations risk losing.
Despite growing awareness of menopause, many women are still struggling silently.
This can be particularly challenging in male-dominated industries, where women may feel uncomfortable discussing their symptoms or asking for adjustments.
There’s often an underlying fear that admitting they’re struggling will be interpreted as a sign that they’re no longer capable of performing at the highest level.
And that’s a problem.
Organisations need to move beyond simply having a menopause policy sitting somewhere on their intranet.
Managers need to understand what’s happening, recognise potential symptoms and create environments where people feel comfortable having conversations.
Simple adjustments can make a meaningful difference.
But there’s another important consideration here.
Work doesn’t exist in isolation from home. What’s happening in our personal lives inevitably affects our professional performance, and vice versa.
Understanding midlife health and relationships isn’t just a personal issue. It’s a workplace issue too.
4. What about men? Why aren’t we having the same workplace conversation?
One of the questions we explore in this episode is why there’s still relatively little discussion about the impact of hormonal changes on men in the workplace.
We’ve made considerable progress in recognising the effects of menopause, and rightly so.
But what happens when men between 45 and 60 begin experiencing changes in energy, motivation, sleep, mood, confidence and cognitive performance?
How many are struggling silently?
How many are questioning their ability, feeling increasingly disconnected or simply putting it down to getting older?
And how many organisations are equipped to recognise what’s happening?
We believe this conversation needs to become much broader.
It’s not a competition between men’s and women’s health. It’s about recognising that both sexes experience significant hormonal changes during midlife, albeit in different ways.
Interestingly, giving men permission to acknowledge their own experiences could also help them develop greater empathy for what their female colleagues and partners are experiencing.
The more we understand about one another, the better equipped we are to support each other.
5. Is the world becoming more fear-driven?
Another story that caught our attention was the advice being issued in various countries about keeping emergency supplies at home.
The recommendations discussed included having enough food, water and essential supplies to last several days.
Of course, being prepared for emergencies is sensible. But when these announcements appear alongside increasingly alarming headlines about global instability, conflict and economic uncertainty, it’s understandable that people begin to feel anxious.
We’re living through a period of considerable change.
Economic pressures, geopolitical tensions and the constant stream of information coming at us through news outlets and social media can create a sense that something terrible is always just around the corner.
And that’s where we need to be careful.
It’s important to stay informed, but there’s a difference between being informed and becoming consumed by fear.
We should question what we’re reading, consider the motivations behind certain stories and avoid automatically accepting every headline as the complete picture.
Most importantly, we need to recognise when our attention is being pulled towards things we have absolutely no control over.
6. Don’t let worrying about tomorrow ruin today
This was perhaps one of the most important messages from our conversation.
When we’re constantly worrying about the future, we can lose the ability to enjoy the present.
We become preoccupied with what might happen rather than appreciating what’s actually happening.
And this is particularly relevant in midlife.
We might worry about our financial future, our health, our careers, our children, our ageing parents or the state of the world.
Some of those concerns require practical action. We should absolutely plan, prepare and take responsibility for the things within our control.
But worrying endlessly about things we cannot influence achieves very little.
As Claire reflected during the conversation, today is all we actually have.
Tomorrow will arrive regardless of how much time we spend worrying about it.
So perhaps the answer is to focus on what really matters.
Spend time with the people you love. Look after your health. Make the changes you’ve been putting off. Enjoy the small things. Be present.
Prepare as much as you reasonably can, but don’t allow uncertainty to steal your ability to live.
7. Testosterone, cycling and the surprising connection with men’s health
We couldn’t finish this episode without returning to something James learned at a recent men’s health event.
And it involves cycling, testosterone and a rather uncomfortable subject!
Male reproductive anatomy is designed to maintain a temperature slightly below core body temperature. This is important for healthy sperm production.
However, James heard discussions about how factors associated with cycling, including prolonged saddle pressure, restricted blood flow and heat, may affect male reproductive health.
There is research examining the relationship between cycling, reproductive function and testosterone, although the effects depend on factors such as intensity, duration, equipment and individual circumstances.
The conversation also highlighted the potential impact of prolonged compression and restrictive clothing.
Now, we’re certainly not suggesting that men should stop cycling.
Cycling is an excellent form of cardiovascular exercise, a brilliant way to stay active and a fantastic opportunity to connect with other people.
But it’s worth considering how you’re doing it.
Saddle design, appropriate cycling shorts, bike fit, recovery and avoiding unnecessary prolonged pressure are all worth thinking about.
And perhaps, as James joked, a little more airflow wouldn’t go amiss!
There’s a serious point underneath the humour, though: men’s health deserves more attention, and we need to become much better at understanding the everyday factors that influence our hormones and long-term wellbeing.
8. A little more awareness, a little more compassion
Whether we’re talking about relationships, menopause, andropause, workplace challenges or men’s health, one theme runs through this entire episode.
Awareness matters.
Too many people reach midlife without understanding the physical, emotional and psychological changes taking place.
They assume their relationship is broken, their career is finished, their motivation has disappeared or that they’re simply getting old.
But midlife isn’t a diagnosis.
It’s a transition, and one that deserves greater understanding.
The more we understand what’s happening to ourselves, the better equipped we are to make decisions that genuinely serve us.
And the more we understand what’s happening to other people, the more compassionate we can become.
That doesn’t mean accepting everything or avoiding difficult conversations. It means approaching challenges with curiosity rather than immediately jumping to conclusions.
Sometimes, a little understanding can change everything.
Final thoughts: Focus on what matters most
Midlife can be complicated. There’s no getting away from that.
But it can also be an extraordinary opportunity to reassess our priorities, strengthen our relationships, improve our health and become much more intentional about how we want to live.
We can’t control the headlines, the economy, global events or every challenge life throws at us.
But we can control how we respond.
We can look after ourselves, support the people around us, make better decisions and spend more time focusing on the things that genuinely matter.
Prepare for tomorrow, certainly.
But don’t forget to live today.
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