This might seem like a strange title for a post, and I’m sure could even raise a wry smile as we think about someone we know, but there’s a serious side to this.
This comes up for our clients a lot. The inability to switch off and relax.
How often have you looked forward to your lazy Sunday, only when you get there, to feel slightly ill at ease with doing nothing? Maybe you even started working or cracking on with a project to ease those feelings?
If we’ve programme ourselves to be busy – constantly moving forward, updating the To Do list, feverishly working towards our goals, then it can be hard to switch off and relax however much we know that mentally, emotionally, physically, we’re crying out for it.
Why?
Well, here are just a couple of reasons. Sometimes keeping busy can be a trauma response. We force ourselves to keep going either because we’re afraid of what might come up for us if we have time to focus inwards, or because we’re operating from lack and fear if we don’t keep going, what we’ve created could be taken away at a stroke.
Sometimes it’s both. Just being stressed can be enough of a trauma to start and perpetuate the cycle.
The other reason is that we’ve conditioned ourselves to busy-ness. Our mind is fabulously adaptable, but essentially lazy. It likes routine, it loves the familiar.
If you’ve conditioned yourself to go, go, go (and possibly reinforced this with beliefs about needing to keep busy – see first point) then stopping will create dissonance.
You’ll find yourself unable to relax and your sub-conscious will start directing you to do something, anything that feels like and achievement you can tick off, because it’s what it’s used to.
If this is you then a helpful paradox is to plan your relaxation. Soothe your sub-conscious by letting it know that, yes, you are taking down time, but you’re not “doing nothing”, rather you’ve planned your recuperation.
Schedule time to read the papers at length, bake a cake, catch up with a friend on zoom, go for a long walk.
Rather than waking up with an empty canvas of a day and creating that disturbing disconnect, go for the half-way house of scheduled relaxation.
if you’re looking for something, then remember, Claire and I do a live coffee morning every Sunday at 10am in our free facebook group. We’d love to see you there.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/themidlifementorscommunity/